Good Advice
1895
The Wichita Eagle, 6th July 1895, p. 4
Once upon a midday dreary
While I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many an unpaid bill from creditors so sore,
And I thought, while nearly frantic,
“I will cross the broad Atlantic,
And the duns so importunate
I’ll escape forevermore.”
On this thought my mind was centred
When into the chamber entered
A young man whose business bearing
And firm tread upon the floor
Promised fresh increase of sorrow
And from him I tried to borrow
Money that the crisis once again I might tide o’er.
Not to my appeal he listened,
But his diamond shirt studs glistened
In the sunlight as he calmly looked me o’er,
And this sentence then he uttered,
Never stopped and never stuttered:
“Why not advertise tomorrow
All the goods within your store?”
“I will give you top of column,
And of trade there’ll be a volume
That at once from every corner of the town to you’ll pour;
To your till will cash be sifted,
All your debts and burdens lifted,
And a reputation made at once
For you, your business and your store.”
His advice was quickly taken,
Doubt and melancholy shaken,
And today my advertisements cover columns by the score,
And each day my growing riches
Fill the pockets of my breeches,
And from them I take the surplus,
And I advertise the more.
Return to the Quaint and Curious index for more pastiches and parodies of Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Raven”.
