Poetry imp...

Welcome to the Poetry section of my site. Here you’ll find poems nonsensical, whimsical, silly, and sometimes dark, too. Some are short, some are long. (I’ve provided line counts, so you’ll know what you’re getting into.)

Use the popup to sort the poems in various ways.


Alice at R'lyeh

“What a curious thing,” said Alice

“One might easily lose one's balance,”

As she walked through the labyrinthine tangles

Of the sea-risen city's impossible angles...

My Vampire Bride

The moon was bright

The breeze was light

As I stepped outside, that fateful night

And felt upon my neck the bite...

The Beast

The Beast became a Beast by living too long alone

Not caring how his beard or his fingernails had grown...

Mr Was & Miss Where

Mr Was only was, never is

The was of the moment is his

The is never is, because

Then is the now of Mr Was...

The Night-Black Suit

My father had a night-black suit

With a night-black tie up to his throat

And gloves so dark, when they were on

You wondered where his hands had gone...

Jack Fear

Day or night

You’ll feel his bite

He’s always out, dispensing fright...

The House, to its Haunter

Now alle is DEAD withinne me, and the attick dust is still,

And old moth huskes lye crumbling on the warped woode of the sill...

Tumbledown Tom

He came down the road like a roistering riot

Now forwards, now backwards, as though just to try it...

The Devil had a mobile phone

The Devil had a mobile phone

He called me up on it

He said, “D’you wanna make a deal?”

I said I’d sleep on it...

Robot wrote a novel

Robot wrote a novel

All in ones and zeroes

Humans were the villains

Robots were the heroes...

The Existential Agent

The Existential Agent has a gadget and a gizmo

The Existential Agent has the low-down and the info...

The Indifferent Beast

They had an Indifferent Beast at the zoo

It was furry and spiny and somewhat scaly, too...

Wish I could be a witch

Wish I could be a witch

Real old-hag-cackling bitch

I’d cast me a spell

That’d summon up hell...

Dr von Brain

Dr von Brain

Said “I’m not insane!

“It’s all the other scientists who are far too tame!”

It's easy to summon a demon...

It's easy to summon a demon

You'll need paper, a pencil, and something to lean on...

The Sad Pirate

I sometimes sit and wonder

At all this useless plunder

I’ll maybe dig myself a pit

And bury it...


They wondered why Toby was always so cold

He was only, they calculated, five years old...

Doctor Freud

Doctor Freud, oh Doctor Freud

How is it I can avoid

Lustful thoughts and such distractions

Leading me to shameful actions?...

I want to be on the moon

I want to be on the moon.

Just me, on my own.

Three hundred and eighty four thousand miles

From any pair of human eyes...

Teach Yourself Terror!

Teach Yourself Terror! the book’s cover said:

“How to be frightened of things not-quite-dead!”...

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