Nonsense, page 2 of 3

Next year, I’m hoping to release two novels, The Fantasy Reader and Hello World, as ebooks. More about them at a future date. To dip my toe in the whole publishing process, though, I put together this oddity: Yes, You ARE A Monster, a short self-help guide to would-be vampires, werewolves, and other oddities. For the next five days, it’s available for Kindle, free, from any of the various Amazon flavours.

Carefully transcribed from the crayoned ravings of Edweard Deadwitt, Yes, You ARE A Monster tells you all you need to know on your way to becoming a monster: there’s a Monstrousness Test (complete with inkblot), real-life stories (not based on real life), as well hints and tips on developing a Monstrous Growl, developing an Evil Plan, and dealing with such normal, day-to-day matters as holding down a job while being a monster. Plus much more…

Okay, it’s not a self-help book at all.

Get it now on Kindle from Amazon UK, US, or any of the others.

Not a poem for Halloween, this time, but a song:

A poem for Halloween, one of a very occasional series.

It’s easy to summon a demon…

It’s easy to summon a demon
You’ll need paper, a pencil, and something to lean on
A wide, flat space and a chunk of chalk
A parrot or raven you’ve taught to talk
A brace of candles in candlestick-holders
Two contracts in two foolscap folders
A sound-proofed room with a double-locked door
A key that’s never been used before
A cloth, a towel, a bottle of water
A looking-glass and a vicar’s daughter
An hour of your time, a year off your life
A conscience that’s clear and a tongue like a knife
An iron-strong will and a singular aim
A clean length of twine and a secret name
And then, only then, you’ll be ready to start
Oh — I hope you’ve thoroughly practised your Art?
If you haven’t, God help you, and all of your kin
You’ve no idea of the mess that you’re in!